Epigram On Dr. ****, A Mere Pretender To Medical Science, Officiously Offering Me His Services

'Should you e'er be unwell, send directly for me;
To cure you I'll haste with all possible speed,
Prescribe and find medicine without any fee.'
Oh! Doctor! your offer's most generous indeed;
I'd accept but for something the vast obligation.
'But for what, pray?' The instinct of self-preservation.

    *        *        *        *        *

If, as Swift says, in the most delicate mind
Nastiest ideas we are sure to find,
Then equal to his humour and his wit
Swift's delicacy we must all admit.

Thomas Oldham

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Thomas Oldham

Epigram On Hearing Mr. **** Boast That He Could Translate Virgil

Thomas Oldham, Simple Poetry

Muse's Triumph, The

Thomas Oldham, Simple Poetry

Epitaph On Nelson

Thomas Oldham, Simple Poetry

English

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An Epistle To His Excellency John, Lord Carteret By Dr. Delany.

1729[1] (Verses Written During Lord Carteret's Administration Of Ireland)

    Credis ob haec me, Pastor, opes fortasse rogare,
    Propter quae vulgus crassaque turba rogat.
MART., Epig., lib. ix, 22.

Thou wise and learned ruler of our isle,
Whose guardian care can all her griefs beguile;
When next your generous soul shall condescend
T' instruct or entertain your humble friend;
Whether, retiring from your weighty charge,
On some high theme you learnedly enlarge;
Of all the ways of wisdom reason well,
How Richelieu rose, and how Sejanus fell:
Or, when your brow less thoughtfully unbends,
Circled with Swift and some delighted friends;
When, mixing mirth and wisdom with your wine,
Like that your wit shall flow, your genius shine:
Nor with less ...

Jonathan Swift

The Morning Visit

A sick man's chamber, though it often boast
The grateful presence of a literal toast,
Can hardly claim, amidst its various wealth,
The right unchallenged to propose a health;
Yet though its tenant is denied the feast,
Friendship must launch his sentiment at least,
As prisoned damsels, locked from lovers' lips,
Toss them a kiss from off their fingers' tips.

The morning visit, - not till sickness falls
In the charmed circles of your own safe walls;
Till fever's throb and pain's relentless rack
Stretch you all helpless on your aching back;
Not till you play the patient in your turn,
The morning visit's mystery shall you learn.

'T is a small matter in your neighbor's case,
To charge your fee for showing him your face;
You skip up-stairs, inquire, inspe...

Oliver Wendell Holmes

The Three Doctors.

        doctoribus loetamur tribus.


1826.


Tho' many great Doctors there be,
    There are three that all Doctors out-top,
Doctor Eady, that famous M. D.,
    Doctor Southey, and dear Doctor Slop.^[1]

The purger, the proser, the bard--
    All quacks in a different style;
Doctor Southey writes books by the yard.
    Doctor Eady writes puffs by the mile!^[2]

Doctor Slop, in no merit outdone
    By his scribbling or physicking brother,
Can dose us with stuff like the one.
    Ay, and doze us with stuff like the other.

Doctor Eady good company keeps
    With "No Popery" scribes, on the walls;
Doctor Southey as gloriously sleeps
    With "No Popery" scribes on the stalls.

Do...

Thomas Moore

Epigram To Mr. Bury, An Eminent Surgeon In Coventry, On His Having Performed A Successful Operation, In A Case Of Deeply-Seated Inflammation In The Neck, When The Patient Was In Extreme Danger Of Immediate Suffocation

Bury, for practice bold and skill
    Deserves to be of note;
He cures by means that well might kill,
    He cuts his patient's throat!

    *        *        *        *        *

When Satan tempts a priest to rise,
'It is the call of heaven!' he cries,
And mount's ambition's ladder:
To heaven's own call that bids him be,
Like Christ, full of humility,
He's deafer than an adder.

Thomas Oldham

An Apology To Lady Carteret (Verses Written During Lord Carteret's Administration Of Ireland)

As Lord Carteret's residence in Ireland as Viceroy was a series of cabals against the authority of the Prime Minister, he failed not, as well from his love of literature as from his hatred to Walpole, to attach to himself as much as possible the distinguished author of the Drapier Letters. By the interest which Swift soon gained with the Lord-Lieutenant, he was enabled to recommend several friends, whose High Church or Tory principles had hitherto obstructed their preferment. The task of forwarding the views of Delany, in particular, led to several of Swift's liveliest poetical effusions, while, on the other hand, he was equally active in galling, by his satire, Smedley, and other Whig beaux esprits, who, during this amphibious administration, sought the favour of a literary Lord-Lieutenant, by literary offerings and poetical adulation. T...

Jonathan Swift

Horace, Epist. I, VII; Imitation Of Horace To Lord Oxford, A.D. [1]

Harley, the nation's great support,
Returning home one day from court,
His mind with public cares possest,
All Europe's business in his breast,
Observed a parson near Whitehall,
Cheap'ning old authors on a stall.
The priest was pretty well in case,
And show'd some humour in his face;
Look'd with an easy, careless mien,
A perfect stranger to the spleen;
Of size that might a pulpit fill,
But more inclining to sit still.
My lord, (who, if a man may say't,
Loves mischief better than his meat),
Was now disposed to crack a jest
And bid friend Lewis[2] go in quest.
(This Lewis was a cunning shaver,
And very much in Harley's favour) -
In quest who might this parson be,
What was his name, of what degree;
If possible, to learn his story,
And whe...

Jonathan Swift