Little Ballads Of Timely Warning; III: On Laziness And Its Resultant Ills

There was a man in New York City
(His name was George Adolphus Knight)
So soft of heart he wept with pity
To see our language and its plight.

He mourned to see it sorely goaded
With silent letters left and right;
These from his own name he unloaded
And wrote it Georg Adolfus Nit.

Six other men in that same city
Who longed to see a Spelling Heaven
Formed of themselves a strong committee
And asked Georg Nit to make it seven.

He joined the other six with pleasure,
Proud such important men to know,
Agreeing that their first great measure
Should be to shorten the word though.

But G. Adolfus Nit was lazy;
He dilly-dallied every day;
His life was dreamy, slow and hazy,
And indolent in every way.

On Monday morn at nine precisely
The six reformers (Nit not there)
Prepared to simplify though nicely,
And each was eager for his share.

Smith bit the h off short and ate it;
Griggs from the thoug chewed off the g;
Brown snapped off u to masticate it,
And tho alone was left for three.

Delancys teeth broke o off quickly;
From th Billings took his t,
And then the h, albeit prickly,
Was shortly swallowed by McGee.

This done, the six lay back in plenty,
Well fed, they picked their teeth and smiled,
And lazy Nit, about 10:20,
Strolled in, as careless as a child.

Well, boys, he said, wheres the collation?
Im hungry, let us eat some though.
All gone! they said, and then Starvation,
(Who is not lazy) laid Nit low.

Nit trembled, gasped, and, as the phrase is,
Cashed in his checks, gave up his breath,
And turned his toes up to the daisies
His laziness had caused his death!

Warning

Spelling reformers should make haste.
If each reformer wants a taste.

Ellis Parker Butler

Ellis Parker Butler was an American author, humorist, and poet, best known for his short story 'Pigs Is Pigs.' Born on December 5, 1869, in Muscatine, Iowa, Butler became a prolific writer, contributing to numerous magazines and books over his career. He is remembered for his wit and humor, which marked his work. Butler passed away on September 13, 1937.

Ellis Parker Butler

An Exception

Ellis Parker Butler, Simple Poetry

The Charge of the Second Iowa Cavalry

Ellis Parker Butler, Simple Poetry

To Phyllis And May

Ellis Parker Butler, Simple Poetry

When Ida Puts Her Armor On

Ellis Parker Butler, Simple Poetry

English

Suggested Poems

Explore a curated selection of verses that share themes, styles, and emotional resonance with the poem you've just read.

Little Ballads Of Timely Warning; I: On Dishonesty Arising From Ignorance

King Joris was a kind-eyed king,
A dear old, gentle, smiling thing;
But though by nature meek and mild,
Two things could drive him raving wild,
Dishonesty, its naughty ways; Ingratitude, its sting.

Now, in his court there was a man,
Jones, Royal Court Historian,
Whom Joris, the compassionate,
Had raised from very low estate,
Jones drove for movers, once, a van.

The king supplied all Jones could use:
Pens, ink and paper, clothing, shoes,
Food, money, facts, a desk all fixed,
Five hundred thousand words, well mixed,
And, what Id like to have, a Muse.

Jones set to work, but, poking round,
A package in his desk he found
Marked Punctuations, Use with Care,
And, looking in, discovered there
Of marks, best grade and mixed, a poun...

Ellis Parker Butler

The Spelling Bee at Angels

Waltz in, waltz in, ye little kids, and gather round my knee,
And drop them books and first pot-hooks, and hear a yarn from me.
I kin not sling a fairy tale of Jinnys fierce and wild,
For I hold it is unchristian to deceive a simple child;
But as from school yer driftin by, I thowt yed like to hear
Of a Spelling Bee at Angels that we organized last year.

It warnt made up of gentle kids, of pretty kids, like you,
But gents ez hed their reglar growth, and some enough for two.
There woz Lanky Jim of Sutters Fork and Bilson of Lagrange,
And Pistol Bob, who wore that day a knife by way of change.
You start, you little kids, you think these are not pretty names,
But each had a man behind it, and my name is Truthful James.

There was Poker Dick from Whisky Flat, and ...

Bret Harte

The Man Who Could Write

Shun, shun the Bowl! That fatal, facile drink
Has ruined many geese who dipped their quills in 't;
Bribe, murder, marry, but steer clear of Ink
Save when you write receipts for paid-up bills in 't.
There may be silver in the "blue-black", all
I know of is the iron and the gall.

Boanerges Blitzen, servant of the Queen,
Is a dismal failure, is a Might-have-been.
In a luckless moment he discovered men
Rise to high position through a ready pen.

Boanerges Blitzen argued therefore, "I,
With the selfsame weapon, can attain as high."
Only he did not possess when he made the trial,
Wicked wit of C-lv-n, irony of L--l.

[Men who spar with Government need, to back their blows,
Something more than ordinary journalistic prose.]

Never young Civilian's...

Rudyard

Little Ballads Of Timely Warning; II: On Malicious Cruelty To Harmless Creatures

The cruelty of P. L. Brown
(He had ten toes as good as mine)
Was known to every one in town,
And, if he never harmed a noun,
He loved to make verbs shriek and whine.

The To be familys just complaints
(Brown had ten toes as good as mine)
Made Brown cast off the last restraints:
He smashed the Is nots into Aints
And kicked both mood and tense supine.

Infinitives were Browns dislike
(Brown, as I said, had ten good toes)
And he would pinch and shake and strike
Infinitives, or, with a pike,
Prod them and then laugh at their woes.

At length this Brown more cruel grew
(Ten toes, all good ones, then had Brown)
And to his woodshed door he drew
A young infinitive and threw
The poor, meek creature roughly down,

And whi...

Ellis Parker Butler

Ant In Office.

        You tell me that my verse is rough,
        And to do mischief like enough;
        Bid me eschew, in honest rhymes,
        Follies of countries and crimes.
        You ask me if I ever knew
        Court chaplains thus lawn sleeves pursue?
        I meddle not with gown or lawn;
        I, therefore, have no need to fawn.
        If they must soothe a patron's ear,
        Not I - I was not born to bear;
        All base conditions I refuse,
        Nor will I so debase the muse.

        Though I ne'er flatter nor defame,
        Yet would I fain bring guilt to shame;
        And I corruption would expose,
        Though all corrupted were my foes.
        I no man's property invade, -
        Corruption 's an unlawful trade;
        ...

John Gay

The Vote Of Thanks Debate

The other night I got the blues and tried to smile in vain.
I couldnt chuck a chuckle at the foolery of Twain;
When Ward and Billings failed to bring a twinkle to my eye,
I turned my eyes to Hansard of the fifteenth of July.
I laughed and roared until I thought that I was growing fat,
And all the boarders came to see what I was laughing at:
It rose the risibility of some, I grieve to state,
That foolish speech of Brentnalls in the Vote of Thanks debate.

O Brentnall, of the olden school and cold sarcastic style!
Youll take another WORKER now and stick it on your file;
Were very fond of poetry,, we hope that this is quite
As entertaining as the lines you read the other night.
We know that you are honest, but twas foolish to confess
You read and file the WORKER; we...

Henry Lawson