Probatur Aliter

A long-ear'd beast, and a field-house for cattle,
Among the coals doth often rattle.[1]

A long-ear'd beast, a bird that prates,
The bridegrooms' first gift to their mates,
Is by all pious Christians thought,
In clergymen the greatest fault.[2]

A long-ear'd beast, and woman of Endor,
If your wife be a scold, that will mend her.[3]

With a long-ear'd beast, and medicine's use,
Cooks make their fowl look tight and spruce.[4]

A long-ear'd beast, and holy fable,
Strengthens the shoes of half the rabble.[5]

A long-ear'd beast, and Rhenish wine,
Lies in the lap of ladies fine.[6]

A long-ear'd beast, and Flanders College,
Is Dr. T -    - l, to my knowledge.[7]

A long-ear'd beast, and building knight,
Censorious people do in spite.[8]

A long-ear'd beast, and bird of night,
We sinners art too apt to slight.[9]

A long-ear'd beast, and shameful vermin,
A judge will eat, though clad in ermine.[10]

A long-ear'd beast, and Irish cart,
Can leave a mark, and give a smart.[11]

A long-ear'd beast, in mud to lie,
No bird in air so swift can fly.[12]

A long-ear'd beast, and a sputt'ring old Whig,
I wish he were in it, and dancing a jig.[13]

A long-ear'd beast, and liquor to write,
Is a damnable smell both morning and night.[14]

A long-ear'd beast, and the child of a sheep,
At Whist they will make a desperate sweep.[15]

A beast long-ear'd, and till midnight you stay,
Will cover a house much better than clay.[16]

A long-ear'd beast, and the drink you love best,
You call him a sloven in earnest for jest.[17]

A long-ear'd beast, and the sixteenth letter,
I'd not look at all unless I look'd better.[18]

A long-ear'd beast give me, and eggs unsound,
Or else I will not ride one inch of ground.[19]

A long-ear'd beast, another name for jeer,
To ladies' skins there nothing comes so near.[20]

A long-ear'd beast, and kind noise of a cat,
Is useful in journeys, take notice of that.[21]

A long-ear'd beast, and what seasons your beef,
On such an occasion the law gives relief.[22]

A long-ear'd beast, a thing that force must drive in,
Bears up his house, that's of his own contriving.[23]

Jonathan Swift

Jonathan Swift was an Anglo-Irish satirist, essayist, political pamphleteer, poet and cleric who became Dean of St Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin. Swift is remembered for works such as "A Tale of a Tub" (1704), "An Argument Against Abolishing Christianity" (1712), and "Gulliver's Travels" (1726). Swift originally published all of his works under pseudonyms—such as Lemuel Gulliver, Isaac Bickerstaff, Drapier's Letters as MB Drapier—and works were sometimes attributed to Anonymous.

Jonathan Swift

On The Moon

Jonathan Swift, Simple Poetry

A Ballad To The Tune Of The Cut-Purse

Jonathan Swift, Simple Poetry

The Fable Of Midas.[1]

Jonathan Swift, Simple Poetry

Ode To The Hon. Sir William Temple

Jonathan Swift, Simple Poetry

English

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The Beasts' Confession To The Priest, On Observing How Most Men Mistake Their Own Talents. 1732

PREFACE

I have been long of opinion, that there is not a more general and greater mistake, or of worse consequences through the commerce of mankind, than the wrong judgments they are apt to entertain of their own talents. I knew a stuttering alderman in London, a great frequenter of coffeehouses, who, when a fresh newspaper was brought in, constantly seized it first, and read it aloud to his brother citizens; but in a manner as little intelligible to the standers-by as to himself. How many pretenders to learning expose themselves, by choosing to discourse on those very parts of science wherewith they are least acquainted! It is the same case in every other qualification. By the multitude of those who deal in rhymes, from half a sheet to twenty, which come out every minute, there must be at least five hundred poets in the city a...

Jonathan Swift

A Letter To Dr. Helsham

SIR,
    Pray discruciate what follows.

The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor,
When young is often due to the vicar,[1]

The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight,
Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]

The dullest beast, when high in stature,
And another of royal nature,
For breeding is a useful creature.[3]

The dullest beast, and a party distress'd,
When too long, is bad at best.[4]

The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,
Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]

The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,
Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]

The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,
Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]

The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues,
Is a p...

Jonathan Swift

A Fable Of The Lion And Other Beasts

One time a mighty plague did pester
All beasts domestic and sylvester,
The doctors all in concert join'd,
To see if they the cause could find;
And tried a world of remedies,
But none could conquer the disease.
The lion in this consternation.
Sends out his royal proclamation,
To all his loving subjects greeting,
Appointing them a solemn meeting:
And when they're gather'd round his den,
He spoke, - My lords and gentlemen,
I hope you're met full of the sense
Of this devouring pestilence;
For sure such heavy punishment,
On common crimes is rarely sent;
It must be some important cause,
Some great infraction of the laws.
Then let us search our consciences,
And every one his faults confess:
Let's judge from biggest to the least
That he that i...

Jonathan Swift

My Lady's[1] Lamentation And Complaint Against The Dean

JULY 28, 1728

Sure never did man see
A wretch like poor Nancy,
So teazed day and night
By a Dean and a Knight.
To punish my sins,
Sir Arthur begins,
And gives me a wipe,
With Skinny and Snipe:[2],
His malice is plain,
Hallooing the Dean.

The Dean never stops,
When he opens his chops;
I'm quite overrun
With rebus and pun.
    Before he came here,
To spunge for good cheer,
I sat with delight,
From morning till night,
With two bony thumbs
Could rub my old gums,
Or scratching my nose
And jogging my toes;
But at present, forsooth,
I must not rub a tooth.
When my elbows he sees
Held up by my knees,
My arms, like two props,
Supporting my chops,
And just as I handle 'em
Moving all like a...

Jonathan Swift

Mary Gulliver To Captain Lemuel Gulliver. An Epistle.

The captain, some time after his return, being retired to Mr Sympson's in the country, Mrs Gulliver, apprehending from his late behaviour some estrangement of his affections, writes him the following expostulatory, soothing, and tenderly complaining epistle:--

Welcome, thrice welcome, to thy native place!--
What, touch me not? what, shun a wife's embrace?
Have I for this thy tedious absence borne,
And waked, and wish'd whole nights for thy return?
In five long years I took no second spouse;
What Redriff wife so long hath kept her vows?
Your eyes, your nose, inconstancy betray;
Your nose you stop, your eyes you turn away.
'Tis said, that thou shouldst 'cleave unto thy wife;'
Once thou didst cleave, and I could cleave for life.
Hear, and relent! hark how thy children moan!
Be...

Alexander Pope

A Character, Panegyric, And Description Of The Legion Club

The immediate provocation to this fierce satire upon the Irish Parliament was the introduction of a Bill to put an end to the tithe on pasturage, called agistment, and thus to free the landlords from a legal payment, with severe loss to the Church.


As I stroll the city, oft I
See a building large and lofty,
Not a bow-shot from the college;
Half the globe from sense and knowledge
By the prudent architect,
Placed against the church direct,[1]
Making good my grandam's jest,
"Near the church" - you know the rest.[2]
    Tell us what the pile contains?
Many a head that has no brains.
These demoniacs let me dub
With the name of Legion[3] Club.
Such assemblies, you might swear,
Meet when butchers bait a bear:
Such a noise, and such haranguing,
When...

Jonathan Swift