The Rivals; Or The Showman's Ruse

    A TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ONE ACT.

    PERSONS REPRESENTED.

    BILLY MILLER            )        The Rivals
    JOHNNY WILLIAMS    )

    TOMMY WELLS            Conspirator

    TIME - Noon: SCENE - Country Town - Rear-view of the Miller Mansion, showing Barn, with practical loft-window opening on alley-way, with colored-crayon poster beneath, announcing: - "BILLY MILLER'S Big Show and Monstur Circus and Equareum!    A shour-bath fer Each and All fer 20 pins. This Afternoon!    Don't fer git the date!"    Enter TOMMY WELLS and JOHNNY WILLIAMS, who gaze awhile at poster, TOMMY secretly smiling and winking at BILLY MILLER, concealed at loft-window above.

    TOMMY (to JOHNNY).
        Guess 'at Billy haint got back, -
        Can't see nothin' through the crack - -
        Can't hear nothin' neither - No!
        . . . Thinks he's got the dandy show,
        Don't he?

    JOHNNY (scornfully) -
        'Course' but what I care? -
        He haint got no show in there! -
        What's he got in there but that
        Old hen, cooped up with a cat
        An' a turkle, an' that thing
        'At he calls his "circus-ring?"
        "What a circus-ring!"    I'd quit!
        Bet mine's twic't as big as it!

    TOMMY -
        Yes, but you got no machine
        Wat you bathe with, painted green,
        With a string to work it, guess!

    JOHNNY (contemptuously) -
        Folks don't bathe in circuses! -
        Ladies comes to mine, you bet!
        I' got seats where girls can set;
        An' a dressin'-room, an' all,
        Fixed up in my pony's stall -
        Yes, an' I' got carpet, too,
        Fer the tumblers, and a blue
        Center-pole!

    TOMMY -
        Well, Billy, he's
        Got a tight-rope an' trapeze,
        An' a hoop 'at he jumps through
        Head-first!

    JOHNNY -
        Well, what's that to do -
        Lightin' on a pile o' hay?
        Haint no actin' thataway!

    TOMMY -
        Don't care what you say, he draws
        Bigger crowds than you do, 'cause
        Sense he started up, I know
        All the fellers says his show
        Is the best-un!

    JOHNNY -
        Yes, an' he
        Better not tell things on me!
        His old circus haint no good! -
        'Cause he's got the neighborhood
        Down on me he thinks 'at I'm
        Goin' to stand it all the time;
        Thinks ist 'cause my Pa don't 'low
        Me to fight, he's got me now.
        An' can say I lie, an' call
        Me ist anything at all!
        Billy Miller thinks I am
        'Feared to say 'at he says "dam" -
        Yes, and worser ones! and I'm
        Goin' to tell his folks sometime! -
        An' ef he don't shet his head
        I'll tell worse 'an that he said
        When he fighted Willie King -
        An' got licked like ever'thing! -
        Billy Miller better shin
        Down his Daddy's lane agin,
        Like a cowardy-calf, an' climb
        In fer home another time!
        Better -

        [Here BILLY leaps down from the loft upon his unsuspecting victim; and two minutes, later, JOHNNY, with the half of a straw hat, a bleeding nose, and a straight rent across one trouser-knee, makes his inglorious - exit.]

James Whitcomb Riley

James Whitcomb Riley was an American writer, poet, and best-selling author. He was known as the "Hoosier Poet" and the "Children's Poet" for his dialect works and children's poetry respectively. Over his career, Riley authored approximately 1,000 poems, including "Little Orphant Annie" and "The Raggedy Man". His influence extended into the 20th century, and his works continued to be celebrated for their nostalgic and rural themes.

James Whitcomb Riley

The South Wind and the Sun

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

When De Folks Is Gone

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

The Iron Horse.

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

His Room

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

English

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Prologue To "The Mistakes." By Joseph Harris, Comedian, 1690. (Written By Some Other.)

[Enter Mr Bright.]

Gentlemen, we must beg your pardon; here's no Prologue to be had
to-day; our new play is like to come on, without a frontispiece;
as bald as one of you young beaux, without your periwig. I left
our young poet, snivelling and sobbing behind the scenes, and
cursing somebody that has deceived him.

[Enter Mr Bowen.]

Hold your prating to the audience: here is honest Mr Williams,
just come in, half mellow, from the Rose Tavern. He swears he is
inspired with claret, and will come on, and that extempore too,
either with a prologue of his own or something like one. Oh,
here he comes to his trial, at all adventures: for my part I
wish him a good deliverance.

[Exeunt Mr Bright and Mr Bowen.]

[Enter Mr William...

John Dryden

Occasional Epilogue. Spoken By Mr. Cobby, In The Character Of Vapid, After The Play Of The Dramatist, At The Kilkenny Theatre.
(Entering as if to announce the Play.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, on Monday night,
For the ninth time--oh accents of delight
To the poor author's ear, when three times three
With a full bumper crowns, his Comedy!
When, long by money, and the muse, forsaken,
He finds at length his jokes and boxes taken,
And sees his play-bill circulate--alas,
The only bill on which his name will pass!
Thus, Vapid, thus shall Thespian scrolls of fame
Thro' box and gallery waft your well-known name,
While critic eyes the happy cast shall con,
And learned ladies spell your Dram. Person.

'Tis said our worthy Manager^[1]intends
To help my night, and he, ye know, has friends.
Friends, did I say? for fixing friends, or parts,
Engagin...
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When We First Played "Show"
Wasn't it a good time,
Long Time Ago -
When we all were little tads
And first played "Show"! -
When every newer day
Wore as bright a glow
As the ones we laughed away -
Long Time Ago!

Calf was in the back-lot;
Clover in the red;
Bluebird in the pear-tree;
Pigeons on the shed;
Tom a-chargin' twenty pins
At the barn; and Dan
Spraddled out just like "The
'Injarubber'-Man!"

Me and Bub and Rusty,
Eck and Dunk and Sid,
'Tumblin' on the sawdust
Like the A-rabs did;
Jamesy on the slack-rope
In a wild retreat,
Grappling back, to start again -
When he chalked his feet!

Wasn't Eck a wonder,
In his stocking-tights?

Wasn't Dunk - his leaping lion -
James Whitcomb Riley

The Jolly Miller
[Restored Romaunt.]

It was a Jolly Miller lived on the River Dee;
He looked upon his piller, and there he found a flea:
"O Mr. Flea! you have bit' me,
And you shall shorely die!"
So he scrunched his bones against the stones -
And there he let him lie!

Twas then the Jolly Miller he laughed and told his wife,
And she laughed fit to kill her, and dropped her carvin'-knife! -
"O Mr. Flea!" "Ho-ho!" "Tee-hee!"
They both laughed fit to kill,
Until the sound did almost drownd
The rumble of the mill!

"Laugh on, my Jolly Miller! and Missus Miller, too! -
But there's a weeping-willer will soon wave over you!"
The voice was all so awful small -
So very small and slim! -
He durst' infer that it was her,
...
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A Romance Of The Saw-Dust.
Suthin' to put in a story!
I couldn't think of a thing,
'N' it's nigh unto thirty year now
Since fust I went in the ring.
"The life excitin'?" Thunder!
"Variety," did you say?
You must have cur'us notions
'Bout circuses, anyway.
The things that look so risky
Aint nothin' to us but biz.
"Accidents" falls and sich like?
Sometimes, in course, there is.
But it's only a slip, or a stumble,
Some feller laid out flat,
It don't take more'n a second;
There aint no story in that.
'N' like as not, the tumble
Don't do no harm at all:
There's one gal here I tell yer,
...
George Augustus Baker, Jr.