Twenty-Two.

I'm twenty-two - I'm twenty-two -
    They gaily give me joy,
As if I should be glad to hear
    That I was less a boy.
They do not know how carelessly
    Their words have given pain,
To one whose heart would leap to be
    A happy boy again.

I had a light and careless heart
    When this brief year began,
And then I pray'd that I might be
    A grave and perfect man.
The world was like a blessed dream
    Of joyous coming years -
I did not know its manliness
    Was but to wake in tears.

A change has on my spirit come,
    I am forever sad;
The light has all departed now
    My early feelings had;
I used to love the morning grey,
    The twilight's quiet deep,
But now like shadows on the sea,
    Upon my thoughts they creep.

And love was like a holy star,
    When this brief year was young,
And my whole worship of the sky
    On one sweet ray was flung;
But worldly things have come between,
    And shut it from my sight,
And though the star shines purely yet,
    I mourn its hidden light.

And fame! I bent to it the knee,
    And bow'd to it my brow,
And it is like a coal upon
    My living spirit now -
But when I pray'd for burning fire
    To touch the soul I bow'd,
I did not know the lightning flash
    Would come in such a cloud.

Ye give me joy! Is it because
    Another year has fled? -
That I am farther from my youth,
    And nearer to the dead?
Is it because my cares have come? -
    My happy boyhood o'er? -
Because the visions I have lov'd
    Will visit me no more?

Oh, tell me not that ye are glad!
    I cannot smile it back;
I've found no flower, and seen no light
    On manhood's weary track.
My love is deep - ambition deep -
    And heart and mind will on -
But love is fainting by the way,
    And fame consumes ere won.