Sam Walter Foss

O'er the men of Ethiopia she would pour her cornucopia,
And shower wealth and plenty on the people of Japan,
Send down jelly cake and candies to the Indians of the Andes,
And a cargo of plum pudding to the men of Hindoostan;
        And she said she loved 'em so,
        Bushman, Finn, and Eskimo.
If she had the wings of eagles to their succour she would fly
        Loaded down with jam and jelly,
        Succotash and vermicelli,
Prunes, pomegranates, plums and pudding, peaches, pineapples, and pie.

She would fly with speedy succour to the natives of Molucca
With whole loads of quail and salmon, and with tons of fricassee
        And give cake in fullest measure
        To the men of Australasia
And all the Archipelagoes that dot the southern sea;
        An...

We've lived for forty years, dear wife,
    And walked together side by side,
And you to-day are just as dear
    As when you were my bride.
I've tried to make life glad for you,
    One long, sweet honeymoon of joy,
A dream of marital content,
    Without the least alloy.
I've smoothed all boulders from our path,
    That we in peace might toil along,
By always hastening to admit
    That I was right and you were wrong.

No mad diversity of creed
    Has ever sundered me from thee;
For I permit you evermore
    To borrow your ideas of me.
And thus it is, through weal or woe,
    Our love forevermore endures;
For I permit that you should take
    My views and creeds, and make them yours.
And thus I let you have my way,
    And thu...

                I

He was the Chairman of the Guild
    Of Early Pleiocene Patriarchs;
He was chief Mentor of the Lodge
    Of the Oracular Oligarchs;
He was the Lord High Autocrat
    And Vizier of the Sons of Light,
And Sultan and Grand Mandarin
    Of the Millennial Men of Might.

He was Grand Totem and High Priest
    Of the Independent Potentates;
Grand Mogul of the Galaxy
    Of the Illustrious Stay-out-lates;
The President of the Dandydudes,
    The Treasurer of the Sons of Glee;
The Leader of the Clubtown Band
    And Architects of Melody.

                II

She was Grand Worthy Prophetess
    Of the Illustrious Maids of Mark;
Of Vestals of the Third Degree
    She was Most Potent Matriarch;
She was H...

Zack Bumstead useter flosserfize
About the ocean an' the skies;
An' gab an' gas f'um morn till noon
About the other side the moon;
An' 'bout the natur of the place
Ten miles beyend the end of space.
An' if his wife she'd ask the crank
Ef he wouldn't kinder try to yank
Hisself out-doors an' git some wood
To make her kitchen fire good,
So she c'd bake her beans an' pies,
He'd say, "I've gotter flosserfize."

An' then he'd set an' flosserfize
About the natur an' the size
Of angels' wings, an' think, and gawp,
An' wonder how they make 'em flop.
He'd calkerlate how long a skid
'Twould take to move the sun, he did;
An' if the skid was strong an' prime,
It couldn't be moved to supper-time.
An' w'en his wife 'd ask the lout
Ef he wouldn't...

"The proper way for a man to pray,"
    Said Deacon Lemuel Keyes,
"And the only proper attitude
    Is down upon his knees."

"No, I should say the way to pray,"
    Said Rev. Doctor Wise,
"Is standing straight with outstretched arms
    And rapt and upturned eyes."

"Oh, no; no, no," said Elder Slow,
    "Such posture is too proud:
A man should pray with eyes fast closed
    And head contritely bowed."

"It seems to me his hands should be
    Austerely clasped in front.
With both thumbs pointing toward the ground,"
    Said Rev. Doctor Blunt.

"Las' year I fell in Hodgkin's well
    Head first," said Cyrus Brown,
"With both my heels a-stickin' up,
    My head a-pinting down;

"An' I made a prayer right then an' the...

Jim Bowker, he said, ef he'd had a fair show,
And a big enough town for his talents to grow,
And the least bit assistance in hoein' his row,
                Jim Bowker, he said,
He'd filled the world full of the sound of his name,
An' clim the top round in the ladder of fame.
                It may have been so;
                        I dunno;
                Jest so, it might been,
                        Then ag'in,

But he had tarnal luck, eyerythin' went ag'in him,
The arrers of fortune they allus' 'ud pin him;
So he didn't get no chance to show off what was in him.
                Jim Bowker, he said,
Ef he'd had a fair show, you couldn't tell where he'd come,
An' the feats he'd a-done, an' the heights he'd a-clum,
                It may have been s...