Mylo Jones's Wife

"Mylo Jones's wife" was all
I heerd, mighty near, last Fall -
Visitun relations down
T'other side of Morgantown!
Mylo Jones's wife she does
This and that, and "those" and "thus"! -
Can't 'bide babies in her sight -
Ner no childern, day and night,
Whoopin' round the premises -
NER NO NOTHIN' ELSE, I guess!

Mylo Jones's wife she 'lows
She's the boss of her own house! -
Mylo - consequences is -
Stays whare things seem SOME like HIS, -
Uses, mostly, with the stock -
Coaxin' "Old Kate" not to balk,
Ner kick hoss-flies' branes out, ner
Act, I s'pose, so much like HER!
Yit the wimmern-folks tells you
She's PERFECTION. - Yes they do!

Mylo's wife she says she's found
Home hain't home with MEN-FOLKS round
When they's work like HERN to do-
Picklin' pears and BUTCHERN, too,
And a-rendern lard, and then
Cookin' fer a pack of men
To come trackin' up the flore
SHE'S scrubbed TEL she'll scrub no MORE! -
Yit she'd keep things clean ef they
Made her scrub tel Jedgmunt Day!

Mylo Jones's wife she sews
Carpet-rags and patches clothes
Jest year IN and OUT! - and yit
Whare's the livin' use of it?
She asts Mylo that. - And he
Gits back whare he'd ruther be,
With his team; - jest PLOWS - and don't
Never sware - like some folks won't!
Think ef HE'D CUT LOOSE, I gum!
'D he'p his heavenly chances some!

Mylo's wife don't see no use,
Ner no reason ner excuse
Fer his pore relations to
Hang round like they allus do!
Thare 'bout onc't a year - and SHE -
She jest GA'NTS 'em, folks tells me,
On spiced pears! - Pass Mylo one,
He says "No, he don't chuse none!"
Workin'men like Mylo they
'D ort to have MEAT ev'ry day!

Dad-burn Mylo Jones's wife!
Ruther rake a blame caseknife
'Crost my wizzen than to see
Sich a womern rulin' ME! -
Ruther take and turn in and
Raise a fool mule-colt by hand'
MYLO, though - od-rot the man! -
Jest keeps ca'm - like some folks CAN -
And 'lows sich as her, I s'pose,
Is MAN'S HE'PMEET' - Mercy knows!

James Whitcomb Riley

James Whitcomb Riley was an American writer, poet, and best-selling author. He was known as the "Hoosier Poet" and the "Children's Poet" for his dialect works and children's poetry respectively. Over his career, Riley authored approximately 1,000 poems, including "Little Orphant Annie" and "The Raggedy Man". His influence extended into the 20th century, and his works continued to be celebrated for their nostalgic and rural themes.

James Whitcomb Riley

The Little Fat Doctor.

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

When Mother Combed My Hair

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

A Fruit Piece

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

In Bohemia.

James Whitcomb Riley, Simple Poetry

English

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This Man Jones.

This man Jones was what you'd call
A feller 'at had no sand at all;
Kind o' consumpted, and undersize,
And sailor-complected, with big sad eyes,
And a kind-of-a sort-of-a hang-dog style,
And a sneakin' sort-of-a half-way smile
'At kind o' give him away to us
As a preacher, maybe, er somepin' wuss.

Didn't take with the gang - well, no -
But still we managed to use him, though, -
Coddin' the gilly along the rout',
And drivin' the stakes 'at he pulled out -
Far I was one of the bosses then,
And of course stood in with the canvasmen;
And the way we put up jobs, you know,
On this man Jones jes' beat the show!

Ust to rattle him scandalous,
And keep the feller a-dodgin' us,
And a-shyin' round half skeered to death,
And afeerd to whimper abo...

James Whitcomb Riley

Farmer Whipple. - Bachelor.

    It's a mystery to see me - a man o' fifty-four,
    Who's lived a cross old bachelor fer thirty year' and more -
    A-lookin' glad and smilin'!    And they's none o' you can say
    That you can guess the reason why I feel so good to-day!

    I must tell you all about it!    But I'll have to deviate
    A little in beginning so's to set the matter straight
    As to how it comes to happen that I never took a wife -
    Kind o' "crawfish" from the Present to the Springtime of my life!

    I was brought up in the country: Of a family of five -
    Three brothers and a sister - I'm the only one alive, -
    Fer they all died little babies; and 'twas one o' Mother's ways,
    You know, to want a daughter; so she took a girl to raise.

    The sweetest little thi...

James Whitcomb Riley

A New Year's Time at Willards's

1
The Hired Man Talks

There's old man Willards; an' his wife;
An' Marg'et - S'repty's sister; an'
There's me - an' I'm the hired man;
An' Tomps McClure, you better yer life!

Well now, old Willards hain't so bad,
Considerin' the chance he's had.
Of course, he's rich, an' sleeps an' eats
Whenever he's a mind to: Takes
An' leans back in the Amen-seats
An' thanks the Lord fer all he makes.
That's purty much all folks has got
Ag'inst the old man, like as not!
But there's his woman - jes the turn
Of them-air two wild girls o' hern -
Marg'et an' S'repty - allus in
Fer any cuttin'-up concern -
Church festibals, and foolishin'
Round Christmas-trees, an' New Year's sprees -
Set up to watch the Old Year go
An' New Year come - sich thi...

James Whitcomb Riley

Joney

Had a hare-lip - Joney had:
Spiled his looks, and Joney knowed it:
Fellers tried to bore him, bad -
But ef ever he got mad,
He kep' still and never showed it.
'Druther have his mouth all pouted
And split up, and like it wuz,
Than the ones 'at laughed about it.
Purty is as purty does!

Had to listen ruther clos't
'Fore you knowed "what he wuz givin'
You; and yet, without no boast,
Joney he wuz jest the most
Entertainin' talker livin'!
Take the Scriptur's and run through 'em,
Might say, like a' auctioneer,
And 'ud argy and review 'em
'At wuz beautiful to hear!

Hare-lip and inpediment,
Both wuz bad, and both ag'in' him -
But the old folks where he went,
'Preared like, knowin' his intent,
'Scused his mouth fer what wuz in h...

James Whitcomb Riley

Down To The Capital

I' be'n down to the Capital at Washington, D. C.,
Where Congerss meets and passes on the pensions ort to be
Allowed to old one-legged chaps, like me, 'at sence the war
Don't wear their pants in pairs at all - and yit how proud we are!

Old Flukens, from our deestrick, jes' turned in and tuck and made
Me stay with him whilse I was there; and longer 'at I stayed
The more I kep' a-wantin' jes' to kind o' git away,
And yit a-feelin' sociabler with Flukens ever' day.

You see I'd got the idy - and I guess most folks agrees -
'At men as rich as him, you know, kin do jes' what they please;
A man worth stacks o' money, and a Congerssman and all,
And livin' in a buildin' bigger'n Masonic Hall!

Now mind, I'm not a-faultin' Fluke - he made his money square:
We both was ...

James Whitcomb Riley

Jim

He was jes a plain ever'-day, all-round kind of a jour.,
Consumpted-Iookin' - but la!
The jokeiest, wittiest, story-tellin', song-singin', laughin'est, jolliest
Feller you ever saw!
Worked at jes coarse work, but you kin bet he was fine enough in his talk,
And his feelin's too!
Lordy! Ef he was on'y back on his bench ag'in to-day, a- carryin' on
Like he ust to do!

Any shopmate'll tell you there never was, on top o' dirt,
A better feller'n Jim!
You want a favor, and couldn't git it anywheres else -
You could git it o' him!
Most free-heartedest man thataway in the world, I guess!
Give up ever' nickel he's worth -
And ef you'd a-wanted it, and named it to him, and it was his,
He'd a-give you the earth!

Allus a reachin' out, Jim was, and a-he'ppin' som...

James Whitcomb Riley