Mylo Jones's Wife

"Mylo Jones's wife" was all
I heerd, mighty near, last Fall -
Visitun relations down
T'other side of Morgantown!
Mylo Jones's wife she does
This and that, and "those" and "thus"! -
Can't 'bide babies in her sight -
Ner no childern, day and night,
Whoopin' round the premises -
NER NO NOTHIN' ELSE, I guess!

Mylo Jones's wife she 'lows
She's the boss of her own house! -
Mylo - consequences is -
Stays whare things seem SOME like HIS, -
Uses, mostly, with the stock -
Coaxin' "Old Kate" not to balk,
Ner kick hoss-flies' branes out, ner
Act, I s'pose, so much like HER!
Yit the wimmern-folks tells you
She's PERFECTION. - Yes they do!

Mylo's wife she says she's found
Home hain't home with MEN-FOLKS round
When they's work like HERN to do-
Picklin' pears and BUTCHERN, too,
And a-rendern lard, and then
Cookin' fer a pack of men
To come trackin' up the flore
SHE'S scrubbed TEL she'll scrub no MORE! -
Yit she'd keep things clean ef they
Made her scrub tel Jedgmunt Day!

Mylo Jones's wife she sews
Carpet-rags and patches clothes
Jest year IN and OUT! - and yit
Whare's the livin' use of it?
She asts Mylo that. - And he
Gits back whare he'd ruther be,
With his team; - jest PLOWS - and don't
Never sware - like some folks won't!
Think ef HE'D CUT LOOSE, I gum!
'D he'p his heavenly chances some!

Mylo's wife don't see no use,
Ner no reason ner excuse
Fer his pore relations to
Hang round like they allus do!
Thare 'bout onc't a year - and SHE -
She jest GA'NTS 'em, folks tells me,
On spiced pears! - Pass Mylo one,
He says "No, he don't chuse none!"
Workin'men like Mylo they
'D ort to have MEAT ev'ry day!

Dad-burn Mylo Jones's wife!
Ruther rake a blame caseknife
'Crost my wizzen than to see
Sich a womern rulin' ME! -
Ruther take and turn in and
Raise a fool mule-colt by hand'
MYLO, though - od-rot the man! -
Jest keeps ca'm - like some folks CAN -
And 'lows sich as her, I s'pose,
Is MAN'S HE'PMEET' - Mercy knows!