To A Publisher

    My dear Sir, -
    In the whole round
    Of animated nature
    I am acquainted
    With nothing or nobody
    Who is, generally speaking,
    So gay, gaudy, and interesting
    As yourself.
    From my youth up
    I have been taught to look upon a publisher
    As a very great person indeed.
    When I was young and courted him
    He it was drew from me
    (As morn from Memnon)
    Rivers of melody;
    The which, however,
    He took good care
    Not to glorify with his imprimatur.
    In those days
    I looked upon publishing as a trade
    And poetry as a profession.
    Recently I have become wise,
    And I feel in the heart of me
    That publishing is a profession
    And poetry a trade.
    In spite of all that has been said to the contrary,
    Barabbas
    Certainly was not a publisher.
    I have not had time to look him up,
    But I feel quite sure
    That he was not a professional man.
    Besides,
    If he was a publisher,
    Why did he not publish something?
    Echo and the Publishers' Association
    No doubt answer
    "Why?"
    I sometimes think I should like to be a publisher myself.
    It must be rather nice
    To know for a fact
    How many copies
    Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so
    Really do sell,
    And how many "A second large edition"
    And "Tenth impression"
    Really mean.
    It must be rather nice, also,
    To go off to Switzerland every year
    (With your wife)
    To attend the Publishers' Conference.
    It must be rather nice, too,
    To know of a surety
    That when an author is making money
    Some publisher or other
    Is making just as much,
    And not infrequently a trifle more,
    On the same work.
    We have learnt of late
    Greatly to our disgust
    That when a publisher dies rich
    He has made his money out of Apollinaris.
    This is hard on authors,
    Who, between ourselves,
    Are not by any means bad people,
    And invariably take a kindly interest
    In their publishers' welfare.
    On the other hand,
    You must admit, sir,
    That a publisher seldom goes bankrupt,
    And does not as a rule sleep
    Under his own counter.
    Once
    I lent a publisher half a crown.
    He paid it back.
    The average author would have taken it
    As money earned.
    So that, on the whole,
    I am inclined to like publishers,
    And to set them down in my tablets
    For
    Useful persons.