To The Cambridge Crew

    My dear Cambridge,
    You have pulled it off,
    As all men know.
    This ode
    Will make Oxford pretty sick;
    But the spoils are to the victor.
    If Oxford had rowed better
    And won,
    They should have had a nice new ode,
    Like good boys;
    But they have been and gone and lost,
    And are, therefore,
    Not fit subjects
    For immortal verse.
    Pah!
    I pass by Oxford!
    As for you, dear Cambridge,
    Here's to you:
    In spite of your long and honourable connection
    With the manufacture
    Of sossiges,
    There appears to be something in you,
    Which is more than can be said
    For some of the sossiges.
    Cambridge, my own,
    You have won the bowt rice!
    'Ave a drink!
    What is the good of winning the bowt rice,
    If you don't 'ave a drink?
    I don't know,
    And I'm sure you don't.
    Also, what is the good
    Of winning the bowt rice
    At all?
    I give it up.
    Yes, I do really;
    Please do let me give it up.
    You have won;
    You can afford to be generous;
    Suffer me to indulge my little whim:
    There is no good
    In winning the bowt rice, Cambridge
    No good at all.
    On the other hand,
    When I come to think of it
    I am not quite sure
    That to have rowed
    In the Cambridge boat
    Which won the bowt rice,
    Is materially to have damaged
    One's prospects or career:
    At the very least, it makes one safe
    For a tutor's job
    At £80 per annum;
    And what self-respecting person from Cambridge
    Could wish for more?
    I have heard of a man
    Who rowed
    In a winning Cambridge boat
    And is now driving
    A hansom cab.
    And I have heard of another man
    Who omitted to row
    In a winning Cambridge boat
    And is now driving a four-wheeler.
    You see the difference, of course!
    After all,
    To row
    In a winning Cambridge boat
    Does give one
    A sort of start in life,
    And don't you forget it.
    Always remember, my dear Cambridge, who you are.
    You licked Oxford by five lengths
    In 1902.
    This is probably
    All you will get
    For your father's money.
    Be thankful.