William F. Kirk

William F. Kirk was an American poet and writer, known for his humorous and satirical works. His poetry often reflected the everyday lives and struggles of ordinary people, presented in a light-hearted yet insightful manner. Kirk also wrote prose, contributing to various newspapers and magazines. His works were widely appreciated for their wit and relatability, making him a popular figure in early 20th-century American literature.

English

William F. Kirk

Page 2 of 2

Robinson Crusoe

Maester Robinson Crusoe ban lonely old faller
Who ban on an island gude long time ago;
His friends all ban lost in a yolly big shipwreck;
But Robinson alvays ban lucky, yu know.
He get on dis island, and can't get avay,
"By yiminy," say Crusoe, "ay tenk ay skol stay!"

Von day some cannibals com to dis island,
And brenging some frends just to make little stew.
Dese frends dey ant lak to be made into cooking,
And von faller dodge dis har cannibal crew.
His name it ban Friday. He ban a gude coon,
And Crusoe and he start to eat from same spoon.

Dey have lots of fun on dis har desert island,
Dey play seven up and casino, ay tenk;
And Crusoe put on a nice bar-tender's apron,
And taught Maester Friday to mix a gude drenk.
Dey get kind o' used to dis old d...

William F. Kirk

Sheridan's Ride

Ef yu ban vise, and ay s'pose yu ban,
Yu know 'bout Yeneral Sheridan;
But maybe yu ant remember the day
Ven he yump on horse, and den he say,
"Ay'm yust about tventy-sax miles avay."

Some rebel fallers ban start big row
In Vinchester. Ay ant know yust how,
But ay tenk dey yump on some Yankee guys,
And trying to give dem gude black eyes.
So Yeneral Sheridan hear dese guns,
And drank some coffee and eat some buns,
And tal dis har landlord, "Gude-by, Yack,
Ay skol paying my bill ven ay com back!"
Den he ride so fast that sune he say,
"Val, now ay ban saxteen miles avay!"

Dese cannons ban roaring gude and loud, -
It ban tough game for dis Yankee crowd;
And Lieut. Olson, he tal his pal,
"'Ay tank we ban due to run lak hal!"
So dey start t...

William F. Kirk

Sonnet On Stewed Prunes

Ay ant lak pie-plant pie so wery vell;
Ven ay skol eat ice-cream, my yaws du ache;
Ay ant much stuck on dis har yohnnie-cake
Or crackers yust so dry sum peanut shell.
And ven ay eat dried apples, ay skol svell
Until ay tenk my belt skol nearly break;
And dis har breakfast food, ay tenk, ban fake:
Yim Dumps ban boosting it, so it skol sell.
But ay tal yu, ef yu vant someteng fine,
Someteng so sveet lak wery sveetest honey,
Vith yuice dat taste about lak nice port vine,
Only it ant cost hardly any money, -
Ef yu vant someteng yust lak anyel fude,
Yu try stewed prunes. By yiminy! dey ban gude.

William F. Kirk

Speak Gently

Speak yentle; it ban better far
To rule by love dan fear;
Ef yu speak rough, yu stand nice chance
To get gude smash on ear.

Speak yentle to the coal-man - he
Ban easy to get mad;
Ef yu ant getting any coal,
By yinger, dat ban bad!

Speak yentle to the alderman,
Ven he ban feeling blue,
And maybe, ven he turn gude trick.
He skol whack op vith yu.

Speak yentle to yure lady frends,
And give gude lots of bunk,
Ef yu skol lak to getting chance
To put yure clothes in trunk.

Speak yentle to Yim Yeffries, tu, -
Ay tenk dis ban gude hunch;
Den yu ant need to put yure face
On Maester Yeffries' punch!

Speak yentle everyvere yu go,
And people skol forget
That yu ban vatching for gude chance
Tu vinning every b...

William F. Kirk

Stealing A Ride

Yumping over crossings,
Bumping over svitches,
Till ay tenk dis enyine
Going to fall in ditches;
Hiding vith some cattle,
Ay tenk 'bout saxty-eight;
Yiminy! Dis ban yolly, -
Stealing ride on freight

Ay ban yust tru treshing
Op in Nort Dakota;
Now ay guess ay'm going
Back to old Mansota.
Now dis train ban stopping,
'Bout sax hours to vait;
Yiminy! Dis ban yolly, -
Stealing ride on freight.

Ay skol stretch a little
Yust to tak a sleep;
Den my head bump into
Gude big fader sheep.
Yee! His head ban harder
Sum a china plate;
Dis ban yolly doings, -
Stealing ride on freight.

Yumping over crossings,
Bumping over svitches,
Till my side ban getting
Saxty-seven stitches.
Ay hear brakeman falle...

William F. Kirk

The "Lumberyack"

"Roll out!" yell cookee
"It ban morning," say he,
"It ban daylight in svamps, all yu guys!"
So out of varm bunk
Ve skol falling kerplunk,
And rubbing lak blazes our eyes.
Breakfast, den hustle; dinner, den yump!
Lumberyack faller ban yolly big chump.

"Eat qvick!" say the cook.
"Oder fallers skol look
For chance to get grub yust lak yu!"
So under our yeans
Ve pack planty beans,
And Yim dandy buckvheat cakes, tu.
Den out on the skidvay, vorking lak mule.
Lumberyack faller ban yolly big fule.

"Vatch out!" foreman say.
Den tree fall yure vay,
And missing yure head 'bout an inch.
Ef timber ban green,
Ve skol rub kerosene
On places var coss cut skol pinch.
Sawing and chopping, freeze and den sveat.
Lumberyack faller ban...

William F. Kirk

The Barefoot Boy

Blessings on yu, little man!
Barefoot boy, ay tenk yu can
Getting all yu lak, by yee!
Yu ban gude enuff for me.
Yu ant got so many clo'es,
Dar ban freckles on yure nose,
And ay guess yu're purty tuff,
'Cause yu ask for chew of snuff.
But, by yinks, ay lak yure face,
Yu can passing any place.

Barefoot boy, ef ay could du
Yenuine po'try lak the kind
Maester Vittier wrote for yu,
Ay vould write; but never mind,
Ay can tal yu vat ay know,
Even ef dese vords ant flow
Half so slick sum poet's song.
Anyhow, ay don't mean wrong.
Ven ay see yu, little kid,
Ay skol taking off my lid.
Oder little boys ay see
Ant look half so gude to me.

Some of dem ban rich men's boys,
Who ban having planty toys,
Vearing nicest clo'es i...

William F. Kirk

The Charge Of The Light Brigade

Yoyfully, yoyfully,
Yoyfully onvard,
In dis har walley of death
Rode the sax hundred!
It ban a cinch, ay tenk,
Some geezer blundered.
"Hustle, yu Light Brigade!
Yump!" Maester Olson said;
Den in the walley of death
Go the sax hundred.

Cannon on right of dem,
Cannon on left of dem,
Cannon on top of dem,
Wolleyed and t'undered;
Smashed vith dis shot and shal,
Dey ant do wery val;
Most of dem ketching hal, -
Nearly sax hundred!

Yes, all dem sabres bare
Flash purty gude in air;
Each faller feel his hair
Standing. No vonder!
Yudas! It ant ban yob
For any coward slob,
Fighting dis Russian mob.
Ay tenk ay vudn't stand
Yeneral's blunder.

Cannon on right of dem,
Cannon on top of dem,
Can...

William F. Kirk

The Courtship Of Miles Standish

Miles Standish ban having a courtship
Ven all of his fighting ban tru;
Maester Longfaller tal me about it,
And so ay skol tal it to yu.
He say to his room-mate, Yohn Alden:
"Yu know dis Priscilla, ay s'pose.
Last veek, ven ay try to get busy,
Priscilla yust turn op her nose."

Yohn Alden ban nervy young faller.
So Standish yust tal him: "Old pal,
Pleese boost me to dis har Priscilla,
Yu know ay can't talk wery val.
Pleese tal her ay ban a gude soldier,
And say ay have money in bank.
Ay'd du dis myself, but, ay tal yu,
My manners in parlor ban rank."

So Yohn go and call on Priscilla,
And happen to finding her in;
He sit close beside her on sofa,
And give her gude lots of his chin.
"Miles Standish," he say, "ban gude faller,
H...

William F. Kirk

The Day Is Done

The day ban done, and darkness
Falling from vengs of night,
Lak fedder flying from ruster,
Ven he ban having fight.
Ay see the lights of willage
Shining tru rain and mist,
And ay skol feel dam sleepy,
Lak fallers playing whist.

Come, read tu me some werses,
Ay ant care vat yu read,
Yust so it ant 'bout trouble
Or hearts vich ache and bleed.
Ay lak dese har nice yingles
'Bout sun and trees and grass;
But, ven it com to heartache,
Yerusalem! ay skol pass!

Read from some humble geezer,
Whose songs ban sveet to hear -
Who making, from his poetry,
'Bout saxteen cents a year.
Ay lak to hear his yingles,
Ay tell yu, dey ban fine;
Dis har ban vy ay lak dem -
Dey ban so much lak mine.

Such songs have gude, nice ...

William F. Kirk

Tillie Olson

Little Tillie Olson
Ban my little pearl;
God ant never making
Any nicer girl.
Dis har Qveen of Sheba,
She ban nice to see;
But little Tillie Olson
Ban gude enuff for me.

Ay ban yust a svamper
Vorking op in voods;
Ay ant ever having
Much of dis vorld's goods.
Ay know lots of ladies
Var ay used to be,
But little Tillie Olson
Ban gude enuff for me.

Over in Chicago
'Bout sax veeks ago,
Torger Yohnson tak me
Out to see nice show.
Chorus girls ban dancing
Purty fine, by yee;
But little Tillie Olson
Ban gude enuff for me.

Ven ve sit by fireplace
Op at Tillie's house,
She ban cuddling near me,
Yust lak little mouse.
After ve ban married,
Happy ve skol be.
Yas, little Tillie Olson

William F. Kirk

Waterloo

At Vaterloo dar ban a scrap
Gude many year ago.
Napolyun, he ban brave old chap
And boss of whole French show.
And Maester Vellington, he say,
"Ay skol mak gude defence,
And make dis Bonypart and Ney
To look lak saxty cents."

Dey start to fight on Sunday morn;
And preacher say to Nap:
"Now, yust so sure sum yu ban born,
Yu're going to fall in trap.
Ef yu got any vork to du,
Yust chuse some oder day."
But Nap say, "To the voods vith yu!
Mak dis bar bugle play!"

Ven Maester Vellington vake op,
He see a gude big hill,
Vith plenty soldier men on top, -
Ay bet he got gude chill.
"Yerusalem!" he tal his men,
"Dese French ban purty t'ick.
Ay tenk by qvarter after ten
Dey skol feel gude and sick."

Den Yen'ral B...

William F. Kirk

William Tell

Dar ban a man named Villiam Tell
Who ban a qvite gude shot.
Ay bet yu, ven he tak nice aim,
He alvays hit the spot.
Ay s'pose he hunting every day
And killing lots of game;
Ef he ban missing such a chance,
Ay tenk it ban a shame.

Some fallers yump on him von day,
And taking him to yail,
And tal him he skol have to pay
Sax tousand dollars' bail.
"Yeew hiz!" say Tell. "Sax tousand bones!
Ay ant got saxty cents!"
And so dey mak him breaking stones
Behind big iron fence.

Den Olaf Gessler say to him:
"Bill, yu ban qvite gude shot,
So ay skol give yu yust von chance
To vinning nice yack pot.
Yure son ban purty brave young kid;
Ay tell yu, on the dead,
Yu skol go free ef you can shoot
Dis apple off his head."

...

William F. Kirk

Yennie Dear

Vy yu mak my heart to yump,
Yennie dear?
Ay ban yust a fulish chump,
Yennie dear.
Yu ban sveet lak summer rose,
Lak a qveen from head to toes.
Ay ant fit for you, ay s'pose,
Yennie dear.

Yu ban gude the whole day long,
Yennie dear;
Yu ant never du no wrong,
Yennie dear.
Ay ban tuff old lumberyack,
Taking drenk yust ven ay lak,
Getting slugged and slugging back,
Yennie dear.

But ven ay ban tenk of yu,
Yennie dear,
Ay ban all made over new,
Yennie dear,
Ef ay have yu at my side,
Ef yu ban my little bride,
Ay skol let dese fallers slide,
Yennie dear.

Oh, ay need yu in my life,
Yennie dear;
Ef ay have an anyel vife,
Yennie dear,
Maybe ay can learn to be
Part lak anyel, tu, yu see;

William F. Kirk

Yim

Dar ban a little faller,
Ay tenk his name ban Yim,
And nearly every morning
Ay used to seeing him.
He used to stand in gatevay,
And call me Svede, and ay
Ant lak to hear dis nickname:
Ay ban a Norsk, yu say.

But he ban little faller,
Ay tenk 'bout sax years old,
And so ay used to lak him -
He ban too small to scold.
Ay used to say, "Val, Yimmie,
Ay ant ban Svede, but yu
Can call me Svede, - ay lak yu
And ant care vat yu du."

By Yeorge! Ay'm glad, ay tal yu,
Dat ay ban gude to him,
Because one venter morning
Ay ant see little Yim.
And next day funeral vagon
Com driving op to door,
And Yim, poor little faller,
Can't call me Svede no more!

William F. Kirk

Page 2 of 2