A Hand-Me-Down.

Said Sue to her suitor:
    "You'll get a new suit, or
I'll sue for a suitor to suit."
    "Why Sue," said her suitor
Who tried hard to suit her,
    "Your suitor is suited to suit."

Edwin C. Ranck

Edwin C. Ranck was an American lyricist noted for his work in the early 20th century. He was a prolific writer and his lyrics were often characterized by their humor and wit. One of his standout works is the poem 'The Optimist', which reflects his positive outlook on life. Beyond that, little is known about his personal life or career. He remains a somewhat obscure figure in literary history.

Edwin C. Ranck

A Wonderful Feat.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

Take Up The Household Burden.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

Farewell Snow.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

English

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A New Suit.

The artist and the loom unseen,
In textures soft as crepe de chine
Spring weaves her royal robe of green,
    With grasses fringed and daisies dotted,
With furzy tufts like mosses fine
And showy clumps of eglantine,
With dainty shrub and creeping vine
    Upon the verdant fabric knotted.

Oh, winter takes our love away
For ashen hues of sober gray!
So when the blooming, blushing May
    Comes out in bodice, cap, and kirtle,
With arbutus her corsage laced,
And roses clinging to her waist,
We crown her charming queen of taste,
    Her chaplet-wreath of modest myrtle.

For eighteen centuries and more
Her fairy hands have modeled o'er
The same habiliments she wore
    At her primeval coronation;
And still the pattern exquisite,...

Hattie Howard

The Sissy Boy.

Beware the Sissy Boy my child,
    Not because he's very wild;
The Sissy Boy is never that,
    Although he'll run if you say "Scat!"
The Sissy Boy's infinitesimal,
    He is not worth a duodecimal.

If you should take a custard pie
    And hit a Sissy in the eye,
He would not go before a jury,
    He'd only blush and say "Oh Fury!"
For he is perfumed, sweet and mild,
    That's just his kind, my dearest child.

One should never strike a Sissy,
    He is too lady-like and prissy.
You do not need to use your fist
    But merely slap him on the wrist,
And if this will not make him budge,
    Then glare at him and say "Oh Fudge!"

The Sissy sports a pink cravat
    And often wears a high silk hat;
His voice is like a turtle dove...

Edwin C. Ranck

The Duke And The Duchess

[THE DUKE.]
Small titles and orders
For Mayors and Recorders
I get - and they're highly delighted.
M.P.s baronetted,
Sham Colonels gazetted,
And second-rate Aldermen knighted.
Foundation-stone laying
I find very paying,
It adds a large sum to my makings.
At charity dinners
The best of speech-spinners,
I get ten per cent on the takings!

[THE DUCHESS.]
I present any lady
Whose conduct is shady
Or smacking of doubtful propriety;
When Virtue would quash her
I take and whitewash her
And launch her in first-rate society.
I recommend acres
Of clumsy dressmakers -
Their fit and their finishing touches;
A sum in addition
They pay for permission
To say that they make for the Duchess!

[THE DUKE.]
Those pr...

William Schwenck Gilbert

He Aped Her.

An impudent Barbary ape
    Once tried on a lady's new cape.
As he gave a big grin,
    The lady came in,
And--his children are still wearing crepe.

Edwin C. Ranck

How Rumplestilz Held Out In Vain For A Bonus

In Germany there lived an earl
Who had a charming niece:
And never gave the timid girl
A single moment's peace!
Whatever low and menial task
His fancy flitted through,
He did not hesitate to ask
That shrinking child to do.
(I see with truly honest shame you
Are blushing, and I do not blame you.
A tale like this the feelings softens,
And brings the tears, as does "Two Orphans.")

She had to wash the windows, and
She had to scrub the floors,
She had to lend a willing hand
To fifty other chores:
She gave the dog his exercise,
She read the earl the news,
She ironed all his evening ties,
And polished all his shoes,
She cleaned the tins that filled the dairy,
She cut the claws of the canary,
And then, at night, with manner winsome,...

Guy Wetmore Carryl

The Suitors.

Wealth sought the bower of Beauty,
Dressed like a modern beau:
Just then Love, Health, and Duty
Took up their hats to go.
Wealth such a cordial welcome met,
As made the others grieve;
So Duty shunned the gay coquette,
Love, pouting, took French leave--
                He did!
Love, pouting, took French leave!

Old Time, the friend of Duty,
Next called to see the fair;
He laid his hand on Beauty,
And left her in despair
Wealth vanished!--Last went rosy Health--
And she was doomed to prove
That those who Duty slight for Wealth,
Can never hope for Love!
                Ah, no!
Can never hope for Love!

George Pope Morris