Marriage A LÀ Mode. A Trilogy.

        I.
        LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM. A.D. 1880.


        "Thank you much obliged, old boy,
            Yes, it's so; report says true.
        I'm engaged to Nell Latine
            What else could a fellow do?
        Governor was getting fierce;
            Asked me, with paternal frown,
        When I meant to go to work,
            Take a wife, and settle down.
        Stormed at my extravagance,
            Talked of cutting off supplies
        Fairly bullied me, you know
            Sort of thing that I despise.
        Well, you see, I lost worst way
            At the races Governor raged
        So, to try and smooth him down,
            I went off, and got engaged.
        Sort of put-up job, you know
            All arranged with old Latine
        Nellie raved about it first,
            Said her 'pa was awful mean!'
        Now it's done we don't much mind
            Tell the truth, I'm rather glad;
        Looking at it every way,
            One must own it isn't bad.
        She's good-looking, rather rich,
            Mother left her quite a pile;
        Dances, goes out everywhere;
            Fine old family, real good style.
        Then she's good, as girls go now,
            Some idea of wrong and right,
        Don't let every man she meets
            Kiss her, on the self-same night.
        We don't do affection much,
            Nell and I are real good friends,
        Call there often, sit and chat,
            Take her 'round, and there it ends.
        Spooning! Well, I tried it once
            Acted like an awful calf
        Said I really loved her. Gad!
            You should just have heard her laugh.
        Why, she ran me for a month,
            Teased me till she made me wince;
        'Mustn't flirt with her,' she said,
            So I haven't tried it since.
        'Twould be pleasant to be loved
            Like you read about in books
        Mingling souls, and tender eyes
            Love, and that, in all their looks;
        Thoughts of you, and no one else;
            Voice that has a tender ring,
        Sacrifices made, and well
            You know all that sort of thing.
        That's all worn-out talk, they say,
            Don't see any of it now
        Spooning on your fiancée
            Isn't good style, anyhow.
        Just suppose that one of us,
            Nell and me, you know some day
        Got like that on some one else
            Might be rather awkward eh!
        All in earnest, like the books
            Wouldn't it be awful rough!
        Jove! if I but pshaw, what bosh!
            Nell and I are safe enough.
        Some time in the Spring, I think;
            Be on hand to wish us joy?
        Be a groomsman, if you like
            Lots of wine good-bye, old boy."


        II.
        UP THE AISLE. A.D. 1881.


        Take my cloak and now fix my veil, Jenny;
            How silly to cover one's face!
        I might as well be an old woman,
            But then there's one comfort it's lace.
        Well, what has become of those ushers?
            Oh, Pa, have you got my bouquet?
        I'll freeze standing here in the lobby,
            Why doesn't the organist play?
        They've started at last what a bustle!
            Stop, Pa! they're not far enough wait!
        One minute more now! Do keep step, Pa!
            There, drop my trail, Jane! is it straight?
        I hope I look timid, and shrinking!
            The church must be perfectly full
        Good gracious, please don't walk so fast, Pa!
            He don't seem to think that trains pull.
        The chancel at last mind the step, Pa!
            I don't feel embarrassed at all
        But, my! What's the minister saying?
            Oh, I know, that part 'bout Saint Paul.
        I hope my position is graceful
            How awkwardly Nelly Dane stood!
        "Not lawfully be joined together,
            Now speak" as if any one would.
        Oh, dear, now it's my turn to answer
            I do wish that Pa would stand still.
        "Serve him, love, honor, and keep him"
            How sweetly he says it I will.
        Where's Pa? there, I knew he'd forget it
            When the time came to give me away
        "I, Helena, take thee love cherish
            And" well, I can't help it, "obey."
        Here, Maud, take my bouquet don't drop it
            I hope Charley's not lost the ring!
        Just like him! no goodness, how heavy!
            It's really an elegant thing.
        It's a shame to kneel down in white satin
            And the flounce real old lace but I must
        I hope that they've got a clean cushion,
            They're usually covered with dust.
        All over ah, thanks! now, don't fuss, Pa!
            Just throw back my veil, Charley there!
        Oh, bother! Why couldn't he kiss me
            Without mussing up all my hair!
        Your arm, Charley, there goes the organ
            Who'd think there would be such a crowd!
        Oh, I mustn't look round, I'd forgotten,
            See, Charley, who was it that bowed?
        Why it's Nellie Allaire, with her husband
            She's awfully jealous, I know,
        Most all of my things were imported,
            And she had a home-made trousseau.
        And there's Annie Wheeler Kate Hermon
            I didn't expect her at all
        If she's not in that same old blue satin
            She wore at the Charity Ball!
        Is that Fanny Wade? Edith Pommeton
            And Emma, and Jo all the girls!
        I knew they'd not miss my wedding
            I hope they'll all notice my pearls.
        Is the carriage there? give me my cloak, Jane,
            Don't get it all over my veil
        No! you take the other seat, Charley
            I need all of this for my trail.


        III.
        DIVORCE. A.D., 1886.
        The Club Window.


        "Yes, I saw her pass with 'that scoundrel'
            For heaven's sake, old man, keep cool!
        No end of the fellows are watching
            Go easy, don't act like a fool!
        'Parading your shame'! I don't see it.
            It's hers now, alone; for at last
        You drove her to give you good reason,
            Divorced her, and so it's all passed.
        For you, I mean; she has to bear it
            Poor child the reproach and the shame;
        I'm your friend but come, hang it, old fellow,
            I swear you were somewhat to blame.
        'What the deuce do I mean?' Well, I'll tell you,
            Though it's none of my business. Here!
        Just light a cigar, and keep quiet
            You started wrong, Charley Leclear.
        You weren't in love when you married
            'Nor she!' well, I know, but she tried
        To keep it dark. You wouldn't let her,
            But laughed at her for it. Her pride
        Wouldn't stand that, you know. Did you ever
            See a spirited girl in your life,
        Who would patiently pose to be pitied
            As a 'patient Griselda'-like wife
        When her husband neglects her so plainly
            As you did? although, on the whole,
        When the wife is the culprit, I've noticed
            It's rather the favorite rôle.
        So she flirted a little in public
            She'd chances enough and to spare,
        Ah, then if you'd only turned jealous
            But you didn't notice nor care.
        Then her sickness came even we fellows
            All thought you behaved like a scrub,
        Leaving her for the nurse to take care of,
            While you spent your time at the club.
        She never forgave you. How could she?
            If I'd been in her place myself,
        By Jove, I'd have left you. She didn't,
            But told all her woes to Jack Guelph.
        When a girl's lost all love for her husband,
            And is cursed with a masculine friend
        To confide in, and he is a blackguard,
            She isn't far off from the end.
        Oh, I'm through of course nobody blamed you
            In the end, when you got your divorce
        You were right enough there she'd levanted
            With Guelph, and you'd no other course.
        What I mean is, if you'd acted squarely,
            The row would have never occurred,
        And for you to be doing the tragic,
            Strikes me as a little absurd.
        As it stands, you've the best of the bargain,
            And she's got a good deal the worst,
        Leave it there, and just touch the bell, will you?
            You're nearest, I'm dying of thirst."


        IV.
        AT AFTERNOON TEA.


        "'In New York!' Yes, I met her this morning.
            I knew her in spite of her paint;
        And Guelph, too, poor fellow, was with her;
            I felt really nervous, and faint,
        When he bowed to me, looking so pleading
            I cut him, of course. Wouldn't you?
        If I meet him alone, I'll explain it;
            But knowing her, what could I do?
        Poor fellow! He looks sadly altered
            I think it a sin, and a shame,
        The way he was wrecked by that creature!
            I know he was never to blame.
        He never suspected. He liked her
            He'd known her for most of his life
        And of course, it was quite a temptation
            To run off with another man's wife.
        At his age, you know barely thirty
            So romantic, and makes such a noise
        In one's club why, one can't but excuse him,
            Now can one, dear? Boys will be boys.
        I've known him so long why, he'd come here
            And talk to me just like a son.
        It's my duty I feel as a mother
            To save him; the thing can be done
        Very easily. First, I must show him
            How grossly the woman deceived
        And entrapped him. It made such a scandal
            You know, that he can't be received
        At all, any more, till he drops her
            He'll certainly not be so mad
        As to hold to her still. Oh, I know him
            So well I'm quite sure he'll be glad
        On any excuse, to oblige me
            In a matter so trifling indeed.
        Then the way will be clear. We'll receive him,
            And the rest will soon follow our lead.
        We must keep our eyes on him more closely
            Hereafter; young men of his wealth
        And position are so sorely tempted
            To waste time, and fortune, and health
        In frivolous pleasures and pastimes,
            That there's but one safe-guard in life
        For them and their money we've seen it
            A really nice girl for a wife.
        Too bad you've no daughter! My Mamie
            Had influence with him for good
        Before this affair when he comes here
            She'll meet him, I'm sure, as she should
        That is, as if nothing had happened
            And greet him with sisterly joy;
        Between us I know we can save him.
            I'll write him to-morrow, poor boy."