The Medicine Man.

Good people if you have the mumps,
    Or ever get down with the dumps;
Or have bad cold or aching pains,
    Or ever suffer with chilblains--
Don't seek your doctor for advice,
    And pay him some tremendous price,
But buy a drug that's safe and sure--
    In fact, get Blank's Consumptive Cure.

Edwin C. Ranck

Edwin C. Ranck was an American lyricist noted for his work in the early 20th century. He was a prolific writer and his lyrics were often characterized by their humor and wit. One of his standout works is the poem 'The Optimist', which reflects his positive outlook on life. Beyond that, little is known about his personal life or career. He remains a somewhat obscure figure in literary history.

Edwin C. Ranck

Crabbed.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

Farewell Snow.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

The Lobster.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

Take Up The Household Burden.

Edwin C. Ranck, Simple Poetry

English

Suggested Poems

Explore a curated selection of verses that share themes, styles, and emotional resonance with the poem you've just read.

Epigram On Dr. ****, A Mere Pretender To Medical Science, Officiously Offering Me His Services

'Should you e'er be unwell, send directly for me;
To cure you I'll haste with all possible speed,
Prescribe and find medicine without any fee.'
Oh! Doctor! your offer's most generous indeed;
I'd accept but for something the vast obligation.
'But for what, pray?' The instinct of self-preservation.

    *        *        *        *        *

If, as Swift says, in the most delicate mind
Nastiest ideas we are sure to find,
Then equal to his humour and his wit
Swift's delicacy we must all admit.

Thomas Oldham

The Morning Visit

A sick man's chamber, though it often boast
The grateful presence of a literal toast,
Can hardly claim, amidst its various wealth,
The right unchallenged to propose a health;
Yet though its tenant is denied the feast,
Friendship must launch his sentiment at least,
As prisoned damsels, locked from lovers' lips,
Toss them a kiss from off their fingers' tips.

The morning visit, - not till sickness falls
In the charmed circles of your own safe walls;
Till fever's throb and pain's relentless rack
Stretch you all helpless on your aching back;
Not till you play the patient in your turn,
The morning visit's mystery shall you learn.

'T is a small matter in your neighbor's case,
To charge your fee for showing him your face;
You skip up-stairs, inquire, inspe...

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Johnson's Antidote

Down along the Snakebite River where the overlanders camp,
Where the serpents are in millions, all of the most deadly stamp;
Where the station-cook in terror, nearly every time he bakes,
Mixes up among the doughboys half a dozen poison-snakes;
Where the wily free-selector walks in armour-plated pants,
And defies the stings of scorpions, and the bites of bull-dog ants:
Where the adder and the viper tear each other by the throat,
There it was that William Johnson sought his snake-bite antidote.

Johnson was a free-selector, and his brain went rather queer,
For the constant sight of serpents filled him with a deadly fear;
So he tramped his free selection, morning, afternoon, and night,
Seeking for some great specific that would cure the serpent's bite
Till King Billy, of the Mo...

Andrew Barton Paterson

The Annual Pill.

Supposed to be sung by OLD PROSY, the Jew, in the character of Major CARTWRIGHT.


Vill nobodies try my nice Annual Pill,
    Dat's to purify every ting nashty avay?
Pless ma heart, pless ma heart, let ma say vat I vill,
    Not a Chrishtian or Shentleman minds vat I say.
    'Tis so pretty a bolus!--just down let it go,
    And, at vonce, such a radical shange you vill see,
Dat I'd not be surprished, like de horse in de show,
    If your heads all vere found, vere your tailsh ought to be!
    Vill nobodies try my nice Annual Pill, etc.

'Twill cure all Electors and purge away clear
    Dat mighty bad itching dey've got in deir hands--
'Twill cure too all Statesmen of dulness, ma tear,
    Tho' the case vas as desperate as poor Mister VAN'...

Thomas Moore

Upon A Physician.

Thou cam'st to cure me, doctor, of my cold,
And caught'st thyself the more by twenty fold:
Prithee go home; and for thy credit be
First cured thyself, then come and cure me.

Robert Herrick

Doc Sifers.

Of all the doctors I could cite you to in this-'ere town
Doc Sifers is my favorite, jes' take him up and down!
Count in the Bethel Neighberhood, and Rollins, and Big Bear,
And Sifers' standin's jes' as good as ary doctor's there!

There's old Doc Wick, and Glenn, and Hall, and Wurgler, and McVeigh,
But I'll buck Sifers 'ginst 'em all and down 'em any day!
Most old Wick ever knowed, I s'pose, was whisky! Wurgler - well,
He et morphine - ef actions shows, and facts' reliable!

But Sifers - though he ain't no sot, he's got his faults; and yit
When you git Sifers one't, you've got a doctor, don't fergit!
He ain't much at his office, er his house, er anywhere
You'd natchurly think certain far to ketch the feller there. -

But don't blame Doc: he's g...

James Whitcomb Riley